FEZ MONKEY'S MCC: Manifesto

Welcome to world of the FMMCC. As The Great Fez Monkey has said so many times in so many shitters, it is no accident that you are here, and if the Great Fez Monkey compels you to join our ancient order and its now more than fifty-year-old motorcycle fraternity, all will be made clear and all will be revealed in due time.

Perhaps the first thing to know is what we are not.

We are not a religion, at least in the common sense of the word. We are not a criminal organization, although many of our members regularly break trivial laws and will no doubt continue to do so. How they drive and what they are drinking or smoking when they do so is their own business.

We are not a patched motorcycle club, we claim no territory that is of this earth, we are not a brand specific motorcycle fraternity nor do we advocate any one particular style of bike. (We do favour hooligan bikes from the past and present, vintage bikes of all sorts, and of course a nice bobber, Christ, who doesn't eh?).

We are not as the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, the KGB and virtually all world governments and organized religions claim "The most secretive of secret societies and most dangerous and widespread group of assholes and ner do wells the world has ever seen.". We are actually much more secretive, vastly larger than they suspect, and, perhaps, far far worse than their wildest dreams.

We are not, as the Vatican claims, plotting to steal back the Popes hat even though it was once the property of The Great Fez Monkey himself. You'd have to be a damned idiot to not see that, they could just admit it, send it back and save a lot of nonsense. Never loan Rome anything.

We did not borrow our strangely beautiful and elaborate rituals from the Masons, as they stupidly insist, quite the contrary in fact they helped themselves to our ritual and we ain't whining about it. Cry babies, all of ‘em.

In spite of mountains of falsified evidence in support of the governments wild claims we at this time can neither confirm nor deny any involvement or complicity with any faked moon landing in 1969 that was allegedly perpetrated by our members. The fact that Neil Armstrong is a member of our ancient and honorable order does not automatically mean that we are involved in any way. It’s just crazy to think that.

What indeed we are:

We are indeed the Fez Monkey’s minion, keepers and protectors of our extraordinary and vast inscrutable worldwide order.

We are the modern motorcycle incarnation of an ancient culture, older even than the pyramids, a worldwide horde of hard riding and alcohol swilling butt pinchers that are perhaps worse than your parents greatest fears and decidedly worthy of their dire warnings. We are the leather clad Imperial storm troopers that crash every decent and law abiding motorcycle event, swill their beer, grope their women, fart at their banquet table, and then vanish in a cloud of burning Castrol. It is our sacred duty and we shall do no less.

We are, indeed, the misfits, the outcasts, the Hooligans and the Rockers, the rabble rousers and rejects of the motorcycle world and fucking A proud of it!

We invite you to join our world, to enjoy our culture and to become (if The Great Fez Monkey wishes it) a proud member of The Fez Monkeys Motor Cycle Club.

IF NOT YOU DO NOT ASPIRE TO OUR CAUSE AND OUR CULTURE, THEN BUGGER OFF AND GET BLEEDING LOST! WE HAVE IMPORTANT BEERS TO DRINK, BLAZING HOT CURRIES TO EAT AND LANES TO SPLIT!!!!

WELCOME TO THE MONKEY’S HOUSE!!

Are you interested in joining us?